How to Find a Therapist Who is a Right Fit
Maybe it’s just me, but it can feel like such a long process to grapple with the idea of needing help, then wrapping your head around where your suffering and pain are coming from, and then working up the courage to admit it to yourself and your family. Let’s be honest, that is a lot of work just to get there. Then you feel the rush of accomplishment (“I did it! I was honest! Maybe there’s hope for me yet.”), only to be met with: So now what do I do?
Before you choose your therapist, evaluate a few things:
- It helps to have a general idea what you think is wrong, or where the pain is in your life. This could be a specific thing like grief or addiction or your marriage spiraling out of control, but it can also be a general sense that something is off, that your life is no longer going where you want it to go. A good therapist will be able to take what you bring to therapy and explore with you what is going on, but it helps to have a few ideas.
- Take a look at your finances and see what kind of options you have. Do you need the therapist to take insurance? Do you need a reduced fee or sliding scale? Are willing to invest in the cost of therapy so that you are living a life you can be proud of?
- Make sure you are willing to set aside the time for therapy. Ever since the COVID pandemic, many jobs in the DFW metroplex have become increasingly accommodating for their employees to see a therapist during work or lunch hours. Most therapy requires a minimum of weekly engagement in order for the patient to receive the best results from the treatment. Make sure you can find childcare if needed, adjust your schedule, and make the time to give yourself the attention you deserve if you are going to get better.
So Many Therapists…
Once you have taken a look at those three things and start looking online, it can feel overwhelming to comb through the hundreds of therapists who are in your area. Databases like Psychology Today will even categorize them based on therapy modality, training, license, gender, affiliation, spirituality, years in practice, services offered, and problems that they are effective in treating. If you talk with your friends and family they may also give you a few recommendations for therapists they have seen, or even therapists they would recommend you stay away from. Looking for a therapist, while you are already suffering, can feel like walking into uncharted territory with fifty tour guides offering their services all at once. It can be quite overwhelming.
It is such a sacred thing to trust a professional with the problems in your life, the areas you feel stuck in, as well as the dreams and hopes you have. In a way, seeing a therapist opens you up to be known in a way you never have been before. This reality can be an incredible opportunity, but also a daunting one. So now we return to the main question: How can you choose the right one?
What is the Right Fit?
‘Right fit’ is a term that you will often hear therapists use. What accounts for most of the change that occurs in therapy is not only the training of the therapist, or the diligence of the patient to do the work, but primarily from the therapeutic relationship (or therapeutic alliance) itself. This means that the rapport you experience when you are with your therapist (feeling understood by them, heard by them, that they are engaged and curious about you) determines just how successful your therapeutic experience will be. Beyond the therapist’s training, treatment, and how highly recommended they are, choosing the ‘right fit’ means you need to find the therapist who you best connect with, you get a good “vibe” from, and you feel safe with.
It is one of those intangibles that can be hard to quantify, but you’ll know it when you feel it. It is the feeling of recognition, of “that person gets me”, that you are able to be fully yourself with this person, and hopefully you'll be able to grow in a new way with them. So how can you go about finding the right therapist?
Steps to Finding the Right Therapist
- Research therapists in your area. Take some time and look at several therapy profiles online. Note whichever ones stand out to you and notice themes they may have. What ages, cultures, genders do you find yourself gravitating towards. When a few therapists stand out to you as potential options, take the time and peruse their websites, read any articles they have written. Pay attention to how you feel as you learn more about them.
- Contact them and pay attention to how they respond to you. Take a step and reach out to a few, either via call, email, or direct inquiry. You’re not committing to anything yet, just dipping your toes in the water. Watch how they respond. Do they take a long time to respond? When they do reply, how does their message feel to you? Do they feel like a person you would enjoy working with or not?
- Next try out a session (or 2 or 3) with them. Again, you are still not committing to long term therapy with them. A good therapist will allow for the first several sessions to involve you evaluating them as much as they will be trying to evaluate you. Be honest with yourself and them. What feelings come up for you about them? Do you find yourself looking forward to therapy? How do you feel when you finish a therapy session? How do you feel throughout the week after meeting with them?
- Lastly, if at any point the therapist does not feel like a good fit, be honest with yourself and with them. Feel free to ask the therapist for other recommendations or referrals for therapists they think you would work well with. This does not have to mean you are broken beyond repair, or that they are a bad therapist (though bad therapists do exist). Just like you may prefer working with some co-workers over others, or have closer friendships than others, you may find that you may gel better with one therapist than another. That is completely fine. The goal is for you to get the help you need, and that will be made even more difficult if you are trying to grit your teeth and push through with a therapist you do not connect with.
Once you have done the work, the goal at the end of the search is to find the right therapist: A therapist who you connect with and who has the expertise to help you through your therapeutic journey.
